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I am a Mother without a Handbook. And I Love it!

30th Jun 2015   By Rashi Ganeriwala  [28 views]

mother-without-handbook

Hi all! I am a mother to a 4.7 year old princess, Manya. A part of me is an entrepreneur, a homemaker, a writer, a poet, an avid reader, a cook, a music lover but mostly a mother as that is the most pleasurable and fulfilling  pursuit of them all.  A little more than four and a half years back when I was blessed with  her, there was no mommy manual I read nor was there much guidance around in terms of the right thing to do. My only saving grace was my experience and instinct that taught me the right thing was whatever worked best for her and me. When I think about those sleepless nights I stayed up, the endless feeds and clothes change, the constant need of alertness, of being at the beck and call of the tiny creature I had created, it gives me goose bumps. Just after a few days of having and experiencing my beautiful baby I realized that everyday is going to be a learning experience for me and each day will bring with it a new set of achievements and disappointments. Even though it seemed like a mammoth task back then, I thank god and this life for making me experience it as it helped me grow into the person I am today.

Back then I was all muddled up. My mind crowded and cluttered with pre-notions about motherhood and the rights and wrongs of this highly responsible assignment. For me a baby’s day meant eat-sleep play-repeat (yes cue taken from that song). My entire bible of babyhood, acquired partly from reading and partly from the endless sermon I received on what lies ahead, went topsy turvy when I realized my baby, unlike few others, sleeps at odd hours, has a haphazard feeding pattern, and pretty much has a mind of her own. There broke my first bubble of what I expected and what I was experiencing, as it was poles apart. My fears, insecurities and anxieties were at its peak as I always had this at the back of my mind, am I not doing it right, am I not good enough?

Advice were many, solutions were few. So I decided to write my own baby bible.  As we grew up, she from an infant to toddler and now a pretty little girl, and I from a fumbling stumbling mother to a confident and assertive caregiver, we realized, routine never has and never will work for us.

There is nothing wrong in following routine. It leads to convenience, peace of mind and some order in life. It also gives us moms a feeling of pride that we have been able to train our little angels into the beings we wish them to be. But there is no point in fighting and stressing over it. My child does not sleep in time, my boy is not interested in sports or extra-curriculars, my girl does not eat her meals well, my child refuses to sit with me to study, we have just all the reasons to set them into a pattern of tutored life, divided into classes and lessons, that soon converts into a timetable, followed to the tee. No harm in that, but in doing so it’s always good to leave a little room for free-will, chaos and irregularity. After all they are kids who have earned the right to do all the wrong things only to learn from it. They are kids who are unique and different in their own special way and dare to speak up their mind as they don’t feel the need to conform. They are kids who are smarter, no doubt, but still tender and nascent in every little experience of life. For them life is not a big goal that needs to be set into some pattern and lived with full focus on being righteous and conscientious. Therefore, there is no point in becoming “helicopter mommies” always hovering around to check on our kids and making sure they haven’t done anything “wrong”. Or making sure that every little moment of their life should be intellectually stimulating or creatively challenging. We must have heard our elders say ” abhi nahin karega toh kab karega”(if not now then when),  let’s give that a little thought now, shall we?  Let’s try to be around for our kids, not all over them.

For kids, life adds up to a lot with their Mamma’s hug and kiss, Papa’s expression of love, pampering by grandparents, care of the siblings, new found friendships, learning to be a part of school and all that it has to offer. Life is very simple for them, lived on a day to day basis, pretty much how it should be for us. And a skill learnt less, a class missed or one class-work not completed does not prove anything. It’s not the end of the world for them, for life is just beginning to unfold itself. And like we too love to play around with anything new we have got our hands on, a child too needs to experiment, explore, discover and learn from life, undoubtedly under the expert guidance of us parents. We all are the best mothers that we can be and no matter what we do or have, we are an idol for our little babies. Like they say, there is no other quite like our mother.

Love

Rashi Ganeriwala

 

 

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